She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
