they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
