is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
