Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
