we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
