I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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