doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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