He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
