They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
