so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize