A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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