my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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