Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize