I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
