I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
