i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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