its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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