oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
