Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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