She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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