She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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