So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
