he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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