He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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