Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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