My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
