At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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