There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize