that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
