It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
