I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize