My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I don't deserve a penis
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
