I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
