So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
