Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
