Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
