think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
