i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
