She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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