I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
