My brain says no but my pants say off.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
