Grow some girl-balls and come out already
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
