Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize