my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
