I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
