This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
