He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize