We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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