Sacagawea was the original milf.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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