So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I want to be your penis for a week.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
