Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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