my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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