Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
is it fun? or sober?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
