my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Randomize