i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
