Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
