Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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