using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
