She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
