just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She's the barista slut.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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