you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
