Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
