so explain again why im purple
no
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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